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Mar. 19th, 2012 @ 06:01 pm (no subject)
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I think there's something wrong with me.

If I were allowed to be whatever gender growing up... would I have been a girl? I mean, I have girly qualities... no doubt.. and a nice set of tits, too... but.....

Like right now.. I am composing a movie scene in my head because I can't draw it or film it myself.... and there's no direct input from my head to a computer to record what goes on... the camera angles, focuses, the slight pauses and juxtapositions. It's to a song that I love... and... it's just images of touching and shadows and skin and organs and hands... backs of knees, stomachs.. elbows.. shoulders.. nipples...  The lighting.. I can see it in my head.. and I'm always the man. The hand is male... my hand.. my touches. My feelings.. Always my stories are from male perspectives.

 I don't know how to feel about it.
Feb. 25th, 2012 @ 08:10 pm (no subject)
About this Entry
I don't care if it's wrong. But what's gonna  come of it? Nothing. Probably lots of frustration and sighing. Wistfulness.. eventually anger or disdain or both. Who knows.
May. 3rd, 2008 @ 07:14 pm (no subject)
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Dec. 22nd, 2007 @ 03:13 am (no subject)
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Aug. 3rd, 2007 @ 12:44 pm (no subject)
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A Shoutout to my friends with babies or are having babies <3 <3 Emaline
Jun. 28th, 2007 @ 11:37 pm On the Radio by Regina Spektor
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Tags: ,
This is how it works
It feels a little worse
Than when we drove our hearse
Right through that screaming crowd
While laughing up a storm
Until we were just bone
Until it got so warm
That none of us could sleep
And all the styrofoam
Began to melt away
We tried to find some words
To aid in the decay
But none of them were home
Inside their catacomb
A million ancient bees
Began to sting our knees
While we were on our knees
Praying that disease
Would leave the ones we love
And never come again

On the radio
We heard November Rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
'Cause the DJ was asleep

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep
On the radio
(oh oh oh)
On the radio
On the radio - uh oh
On the radio - uh oh
On the radio - uh oh
On the radio

I like this song.. Should look it up or something... like the video on YouTube.. cause I can't apparently link the video of that song.. so go.... watch video!

Nov. 16th, 2006 @ 09:24 am (no subject)
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Jun. 20th, 2006 @ 03:25 pm (no subject)
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headbanging is deadly.
oh my god.

So Brandie requests an update.



There's my update.


JUST kidding.

Uhm.. Not a lot has been going on here. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, here... from being mad and disappointed and apathetic. Bleh.

But, me and Bryan have officially gotten a townhouse, now. We just need a bed and a couch, and we're pretty set. :) Happy homemaker am I.

Uhm... really, I don't have much to say, so... enjoy my new picture.
May. 16th, 2006 @ 12:32 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
For the love of New Orleans...

58 percent of Americans think that New Orleans should not be rebuilt...

If you think that that 58 percent of Americans can go fuck themselves, repost this.
May. 11th, 2006 @ 02:15 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: coldcold
Just Because
Apr. 2nd, 2006 @ 04:39 am (no subject)
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I can't keep this dog, myself. If anyone knows where I can keep a dog temporarily until we find the owner, that would be swell.

He's really sweet. Some sort of bird dog/pointer mix. Fairly young. Not neutered. Lives indoors and isn't used to cars, but rides well. Is well-dispositioned and likes people a lot. Has collar but no tag.

I just need a garage or a fenced-in backyard for a few days, while I circulate flyers and look for his owner.

He's so pretty. Can anyone think of how to help? Please?
Mar. 14th, 2006 @ 07:27 pm ::ATTENTION::
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Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated


There has been a crazy amount of debit cards PIN numbers stolen.... resulting in millions of dollars being hijacked. Some was from my boyfriend :( So everyone that uses a debit card, please check your statements, if you have them online... and I'd take some extra precautions with any places like Ebay, that might store your information.


Here is an article about it.
Dec. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:48 am (no subject)
About this Entry
Current Mood: calmcalm
Stolen from James who stole it from Sarah.


1.First Best Friend:Her name was Azar.
2.First Hamster: ... Hamster? I've never had one.
4.First junior highschool crush: John Huskey
5.First CD: Poccahontas Soundtrack
6.First Car: 2000 Honda Civic
7.First Love: I guess I would say David :D
8.First Stuffed Animal: As a newborn, my aunt made me a doll that fit inside of a cloth corn-husk. It was the same size as me.
9.First Concert: Newsboys
10.First Time Drunk: Hmm.. I guess it was at Hilton's B-day party.
1.Last Beverage: Sweet tea from the JApanese resturaunt.
2.Last Vehicle Ride: Back from the Japanese restaraunt
3.Last Movie Seen: BBC Version of Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe.
4.Last Phone Call: Theresa, I think
5. Last CD Played: Thirteenth Step, A Perfect Circle
6.Last Bubble Bath: October some time
7.Last Time You Cried: Uhm.. two days ago.
8.Last Kiss: about 15 minutes ago.
9.Last Concert You Attended: I saw Cayce's Choral Recital, does that Count? If not, Venus Hum in Nashville in the summer.
1.Have you ever dated one of your best friend? Uhm, kinda? Not my long-standing best friends, but my boyfriends usually start off as good friends, if I can have my way.
2.Have you ever been arrested: Nope.
3.Have you ever skinny dipped: Yeah. Been a while.
4.Have you ever been on TV: Probably... I don't remember. Probably when I didn't know, like a Christmas parade or something. Nothing focused JUST on me, though.
5.Have you ever kissed someone and regret it: Yes.
6.Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you knew? Yeah... just like... one person, though.
7.Have you ever been sent to the emergency room: When I was 6. I had to get 4 stickes in the back of my head.
8.Have you ever been in a fist fight: Naw. I choked Ruth Dickey in the Fourth grade, though.
1. ..... lipring
2. white robe.
3. pink towel.
4. ... a smile?
5. skin..
6. freckles!
7. air!
1. Did the dirty
2. Fell asleep.
3. Woke up.
4. Decided to skip German.
5. Had dirty dirty.
6. Got a shower
1. Wind
2. Clouds
3. Kittens
4. Black and White photography.
5. Love
1. Katie
2. Jennifer
3. Bryan
4. Mike Larkin
1. eat or drink: Eat. I love different kinds of foods.
2. blonde or brunnette: Brunnette. Mmmm.
3. pink or black: Black.
1. Stay in Love.
2. have no regrets.
-Not doing my best at everything I try.

Yeah. Sorry. My finger is jammed, and it kinda hurts to type a lot....
Nov. 25th, 2005 @ 03:50 pm Ugh, I suck...
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Current Mood: blahblah
Yeah, so I get up at 6:30am this morning to do the whole After Thanksgiving Sale Stuff in Hunstville, Alabama with my mom. Meh. Whatever. I have no money, so it wasn't that big of deal. However, I DID get to play Nintendogs with the loner DS I have for my video game reviewing job... WITH another real live person somewhere in that mall. It was super neat.

Anyway.. I was in the mall, in the arcade, played one game of Cruisin' Extoica (my favorite series of racing games), and went and ate at American Cafe. Well, as we're leaving, I realise I don't have my phone. I look under the table, on the table, etc. They call my phone. No answer, which is weird because it had 3 of the 4 bars of battery this morning, so I knew it wasn't dead. So, whomever had my phone had turned it off. I went to the arcade and checked there, but no one had turned it in. I remember having it before I went in there, so I know I lost it somewhere between the arcade and the resturaunt (which is quite literally 20 feet away...). Well, I had a lock on my cell phone that, whenever it was turned off and turned back on, it would request a password. So, atleast I know someone wasn't using it. If anything, someone found it, turned it off, and tried to use it again (or something) and couldn't so they chucked it. There was no other place I could have lost it. Hmph.

Good news: I already have a new phone.
Bad news: I've lost all of your numbers.

That's why I've made this entry public because there still might be some people out there who check this. I've screened all the comments so no one else can see your numbers. If you're not comfortable enough leaving your phone number here, shoot me an email: justviolet@gmail.com
Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 02:37 am Friends only
About this Entry
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
As much as I regret doing this because I DO have so many friends that read my LJ that DON'T have an LJ, and I am NOT one to ever lock any of my entries:

I am making this a  friend's-only Journal.
from here on out. I will not be changing any of my previous entries.

I have other means of journals. The comments to this will be screened. If you want to leave me a question, asking me what my other journals are, if you're interested enough to read them, I'll tell you. I've decided that certain people I do not need to be in my life right now are abusing my rights to write whatever I want. I've been abused in the past, and no longer will I tolerate it. If you're one of the people I'm talking about or if you think you're one of the people I'm talking about, then chances are, you are.


Oct. 28th, 2005 @ 04:17 pm Desperate times
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I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. So I will neither say nor do anything. If I am needed, I hope I am contacted. If not, I can only assume that my friendship, love and kind words are not especially needed.
Oct. 27th, 2005 @ 10:10 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: "Animal" by Ani Difranco
Tags: ,
I was all settled down to write an entry on how depressed I've been the last few days, bitch some more about my review... and then I read my friend's LiveJournal, and I just can't.

None of you can read it because it is protected, but you'd not even understand. Not even I can fully understand it.

A little part of me died today. I know that sounds so cliche or emo or something. Blow me. To know... that Jennifer and William... aren't making it. Aren't living together. Aren't happy. Are apart for whatever reasons unknown to me.... breaks my heart. I'm crying because of this. Because I cannot phyiscally be with my oldest friend. I cannot be there for her when she needs someone. And it's just tearing me up. I don't even know where she lives. Somewhere in Alabama. She's come to see me when I've needed her. I don't even know. I can't even get a hold of her. I don't know how. I'm an awful friend. She's come to see me so many times, and I've been so selfish and not gone to see her once. God. And now she needs me, and I don't have the chance or the time to be able to go see her. *shakes fist at Contest of Champions*

So it just makes me feel so sad to know ... it's like... how do I have a chance to make it last with anoyone? If Jennifer and William ... are having these issues... what hope do I ever have? What hope do any of us have?

God, I'm so depressed.

Oct. 27th, 2005 @ 06:02 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: "Extraordinary Machine" by Fiona Apple
Well, today was my first actual game review release.... and let me tell you. I'm really REALLY fucking pissed. ... well, not THAT mad, but I'm pretty mad. Click here
if you want to read all the reviews.
Originally what I wroteCollapse )

What was publishedCollapse )

Grrrr.... Do you see the GLARING MISTAKES>??@!!  o..... SKJFglkj fh

But I think that's all I have time to say right now....

Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 10:42 pm My new tattoo
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Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: "Eight Easy Steps" by Alanis Morissette
Tags: ,
I'm gonna get this tattooed on my right shoulder in memory of Jeremy. "Old Man" is what I called him, since he was 8 years older than me. He had a tattoo of a panther on his leg. It was beautiful, but I don't think it would suit me, and I don't want one on my leg like that. He also had a tattoo of Tigger on his shoulder that he was really embarrassed about... So my plans are to get this black cat in the place of his Tigger tattoo.... It was my term of endearment for him. And the halo is pretty obvious.

Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 09:32 am (no subject)
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create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

I've not been many places, huh....
Oct. 24th, 2005 @ 11:46 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: "I want you to be my love" by Over the Rhine
Tags: , ,
"Born" by Over the Rhine

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night
Who knows what we'll find

Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you
Whatever you got
I don't mind

Put your elbows on the table
I'll listen long as I am able
There's nowhere I'd rather be

Secret fears, the supernatural
Thank God for this new laughter
Thank God the joke's on me

We've seen the landfill rainbow
We've seen the junkyard of love
Baby it's no place for you and me

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

I feel weird today. I don't know why. I should be studying for my Lit exam tonight.... but I just don't care.
I'm in a really apathetic mood right now. I don't know what the deal is. I got pissy last night with (now)Bryan, and I don't really know why, either. Things were playful, but then it was like I was just tired of being playful. It wasn't his fault. I'm just weird, I guess. I think what it is is that I don't like to have to work for things... which isn't how I mean it. Hmm. I think what it is is that I don't like feeling rejected, even in a playful sense. If someone plays too hard-to-get, I lose interest, or I feel unsure or unwilling to venture. I don't know. Fucks with my mind, I guess. That little part called low self esteem, which I rarely ever develop or experience, but when I do, it's pretty strong. I'm just in a blah mood. -_- I'm not going to be fun for anyone today, I know. Maybe band will help, though I doubt it. I'm going to have to yell some today, I can tell already. It's going to be cold, and people aren't going to want to listen but instead just sit there and shiver. Blah. It's really hard to march a spot you never set yourself and in turn tell other people when they're mistaken. Hell, we can't even decide what size step is the correctly sized step. As long as I've been in marching band at MTSU, it has been 10 steps to the bottoms of the numbers. Uhm. Whatever, I guess. I know I'm not the best marcher... If I could concentrate on marching my own spot, not worrying about the dent 5 spots from me, worrying if I should take this part up an octave, or wondering if I remembered to take payroll to the office.... *sigh*

I'm looking forward to a possible getaway to Gatlinburg in a few weeks. I've got to budget out my money and see how much I can afford to spend there. It'll be my first (mini) vacation where I'm in charge of things like hotels, etc... and I'm just a little more than worried. I should start planning that now. I need the break. Hell. I need a longer break. Hopefully winter break will do me some good. I need to get my shit in gear. Like seriously. Katie is talking about graduation, etc... and I'm sitting here debating on changing my major. If I do, it'll put me back a year or two, with my luck; though, I was looking at my hours and all, and after this semester I should be done with all but one class each for my two minors: English and German. So, after next semester, I'll be completely free of my minor workloads. That'll be nice. Then I guess I can delve into photography? I think I'll look into signing up for B&W Photography, nonetheless, for next semester. *sigh* So much to do. I don't even know where to begin. I want to just quit. I swear. But I won't because that's how I am.

Have I mentioned how much I like the weather today? No? I love the weather! Yesterday was nice, too. I should move to England or Oregon or Washington. I love the cold wet drizzle. Mmmm... I need to find my car keys so I can get my Sully-skin jacket out of my backseat.... It's a blue fuzzy-furred coat. It's awesome. I'd like to wear it to band. It has pockets. Pockets are nice for coordinate sheets.

Brr. Biiiird. (inside joooke)

Okay. I think that's it.
Oct. 23rd, 2005 @ 07:42 am Quick Post
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Current Mood: tiredtired
Tags: ,
Just a quick diddy before I have to go to my radio show-- thank goodness that the interns are getting good enough that they can run the show (almost) by themselves. I think it is time for a nappy-poo on the couch!

boy, am I tired. Stayed up too late last night and the night before. Jesus. Yay for Geekdom, right? World of Warcraft baby. Katie bought her first video game two days ago. She's got hope, yet. ;)

We lost again... in the last minute of the game, no less. Damn MTSU for winning two random away games and giving us a glimmer of a hope to go a Bowl game. Damn you *shakes fist* It was a pretty good game, I guess. I ended up taking a gazillion pictures and some small videos... Hmm.. I might post some, somehow.

Well, I have to put my shoes on, blah blah. Toodles!
Oct. 21st, 2005 @ 08:52 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Tags: , ,
I was going to write something here.... but now I don't remember. Oh well! I was published yesterday! You can read my 'review' on myself! Next week will be the review of Geist. If you don't want to have to read the article, under the cut is what I submitted originally, and what was actually publishedCollapse )

Anyway... I have several copies of the Rage, now... so I'll be able to save clippings.

I talked to my mom and Katie about something very important to me yesterday... and both were very supportive and understanding. It's not something I think I can delve into quite yet on here, seeing as how I don't think many people would understand. Some might, but I know some wouldn't. *Shrugs* Until then, I'm sorry... you all will have to be left in the dark.

Katie's father gave me a copy Over the Rhine's albulm "Drunkard's Prayer"... It's a really good, mellow band that sounds a little like Sarah McLaughlin, a pinch of Nickel Creek, and a little Nora Jones. Overall, very very enjoyable. I want to say I've heard of them before. The lead vocalist  has a beautiful voice, though.... but some of the songs are very solemn and sad. I still like it, though. I should put it on my Dell DJ.

Things seem to be trucking along fine in everyone else's lives. Maybe. I was talking to David (the guy that applied for Aimee and my job, but didn't get it) yesterday, and he said  that it seemed like it was a good thing he didn't get the job because shit always seems to happen to the RDs (ie last year, the RD's girlfriend's grandfather died, and they had to make a surprise trip for the funeral, etc; Jeremy dying; Aimee's grandmother is found to have breast cancer).... and now that I think about it, it might be true, you know? *shrugs*

Something else that's been weighing on me since Jeremy died... I think I want to change my major. I don't want to make any rash decisions, and I do realise this is my 3rd year at MTSU, but I think I'm just really not into English as much as I thought I was. I dislike reading assigned shit. I don't like early British literature. I don't really care about women's literature (I've taken 2 classes of it already). I like grammar. I like sentence structure and syntax and to help people with their grammar and phrases. So, with JEremy dying... He got his first degree in computer something-or-other.... but he went back to school to get another degree in something he truly loved: Guitar performance. It got me to thinking that I shouldn't waste my time on something I don't enjoy. What are you going to do? you may ask. Well, I don't know if any of you really have a grasp of what I truly enjoy.. I don't know if I know. I know I love video games, movies, music, drawing... but you know what else? I love photography... I've been seriously contemplating changing my major. I've concocted a little website to host a sort of 'portfolio' for when I go talk to the Photography professors. (If you're interested, you can check it out at www.mtsu.edu/~arq2a) I'm a little worried about it because MTSU is effed up in the sense that the Photography department is not in the art department/liberal arts college, but instead, it's in the Mass Comm department/Bachelor of Science degree program. So, that means that the... 18 hours I've taken of German will have been for nothing (I had to have 12 for a Bachelor in Arts degree, and I decided, since I already had 12, I might as well take 6 more and make it a minor).... I mean, I'm still gonna make it my minor, as well as English (IF I make the grand switch).... so, I don't know. I'm really nervous about it, seeing as how I will have been set back quite a bit. No telling when I'll be getting out of school. I've decided I want to acrue as much as debt as humanly possible, but I figure-- if I make good enough grades, and since my parents can afford to drop $1600 on a ring for my mom for their 10  year anniversary, and a coupld thousand on the new pond out back, maybe they can help me out a little. My mom's been SO supportive about it. I'm really surprised. I figured she would have just told me that I need to get out of college and not worry about what kind of degree I have. But I was wrong. Maybe she is afraid of berating me or something because of my 'delicate' situation and all... and maybe she just wants me to be happy. Who knows?

I'm severely procrastinating right now. I need to be taking a shower and getting ready for class, but since it's raining, my joints are really aching. I hope it doesn't rain all day. We need to work on the homecoming shit for Saturday. God, tomorrow is going to be so long.

Well, I guess I don't have anything else too pertinent to say right now. I just hope shit that's been going on in some of my friends' (and non-friends') lives gets settled out. Especially when they put it off on me. grr

WoW stats:
Stragofur- Mal'Ganis NE warrior (still lvl 8)
Vindicae- Whisperwind Human priest (now lvl 10)
Vincitae- Doomhammer NE Rogue (now level 5 or 6, I think)
Viliterae- Bloodhoof Dwarf Hunter (still lvl 6- FUR WE NEED TO PLAY)
Violae- Kargoth Gnome warlock (still lvl 7)
Aedonra- Arthas Troll shaman (still lvl 14)
Voskana- Kargoth NE druid (still lvl 12)
Clemency- Aggrammar Undead warlock (still lvl 8)
Lasliodra- Blackhand Human paladin (lvl 7 or 8)
Howglo-Malygos Orc hunter (lvl 10)

I'm a dork. Yes I am. You love me.
Oct. 17th, 2005 @ 11:47 pm Review of Mario Superstar Baseball
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Current Mood: hornyhorny
Current Music: Over the Rhine
Tags: ,
Mario Superstar Baseball ReviewCollapse )

So, I got my sports car cherry popped today by Katie's dad. Oh... My.... God. You don't ride in a Porsche. You wear it. A beautiful, 4 cylinder black '85 Porsche. 5-speed. I think I had about 3 orgasms in the car trip. He was totally showing off, too. 0-100mph in about 9 seconds. Oh. My. God. It was a beautiful night. Handled at 110mph just like a normal car at 55mph. Oh goooood. I've never been turned on by a car.. auto-eroticism... oooh.. I've got two eroticisms, now. Damn. Asphixio and Auto. I'm weird. But the car... oh... *drools* My heart was beating.. it was on par to sex I swear... o.o I need one. Now.

I'm in Gallatin right now, with Katie.. She's lying in bed beside me *evil grin* I think it is time for.. a PILLOW FIGHT..... heheheh

(new)Bryan gets home tomorrow! Yay! I'll have a warm body to be my heater, again, since MTSU's heating/airing thing sucks. God, he's just an amazing friend. Totally self-sacrificing. I think I'm gonna take him up on escaping to Gatlinburg some weekend. The leaves will be nice, but probably short-lived, so we'll probably miss them. I don't have the money to escape until November.. *shrugs* It should still be fun, to take the city boy from his safe haven. I love me some outdoors. :) But yes. Many pictures. Oooo pictures.

It's fucking hot in here... Hmm..

Oh, right. not six but seven.
Oct. 16th, 2005 @ 10:32 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: sickhead-achey
Current Music: "Bubbles in my Beer" by Bob Wills
Tags: , ,
I've decided that driving alone is a really fucking bad idea for me. Even short little distances. Like, whoa. I drove to Nashville to have a 'photoshoot' that quite literally was only 7 minutes long... 35 minutes up there and back. It was... amusing. I don't have the money to do that whole thing with the gas. Oh well. I get published this Thursday, so I'll probably scan a copy and post it on here for any of you here that care to see it. But as for the driving... I had to follow (new)Bryan up to the Tennessean office building thing, but I was by myself in the car. The ride up there wasn't so bad because I was preoccupied with following Bryan. However, when I Was driving back, even though I was playing the new Fiona Apple CD (HOT!), I started thinking.... and I've learned that, at this point in my life, idle thinking isn't a good thing. So, of course, I get pretty upset and depressed on the 35 minute ride back home... which is a pretty quick time from being happy and excited about the game reviewing I was to be doing to completely being depressed, crying in my car while driving 85mph down the interstate.... yeah. Not Good. I called my mom to talk to her for a while, but my phone died... so I was stuck with about 9 more miles to go... and nothing to do to keep my mind away from Jeremy. I miss him a lot, still, but it's in a weird way... a way I don't know if I can delve into here, necessarily because I think a lot of people would judge me and not understand my reasoning behind a lot of things...

Basically, I just don't like being alone. Last night was the first time I've slept alone since Jeremy's died. I fell asleep, eventually, because I was on the phone with (new)Bryan until way late... but if I hadn't talked to him until his phone died, I'm sure I would have gotten depressed. It doesn't help I have had this same headache since last night... God, it's killer. I've never had a headache last through a night before. I took 2 ibproufen, even.... nothing. So, I don't know what's going on inside of this head. I don't like sleeping alone, anymore. I like the company, the presence, the support. Keeps my mind off of things. I'll have to sleep alone until Tuesday night.... I think I'll be able to handle it, as long as I wear myself out before it... *sigh*

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Katie, Aimee, and I drove to Manchester, Tennessee to take some pictures. A lot of them came out really well. We just had a fun time trapsing around the State Park and looking at the waterfalls. Yay that all three of us have cameras now. You should check out all three of our sites: Katie's, Aimee's, Mine. I haven't posted too many, and Aimee hasn't posted any, yet, but Katie has a few... and I know I'll be getting more up soon, as will Aimee.
Last night I was on AIM, and I invite Kory, one of my employees over to play video games with me, Katie, and Will Gray. It was fun. I owned Kory at Soul Calibur (except when I played Ivy), and I owned everyone at Mario KArt (except for once, but that is beside the point). It was fun. I had to do payroll last night, so everyone left around midnight. Thankfully, though, it didn't take us too long.

This morning I had my radio show with my two interns. Wally wasn't there, but it ran pretty smoothly. Poor Chris messed up once, but not so badly. I messed up 3 times.... but I fixed it eventually!!...... It's a lot of fun with my two interns. :) Both are really cute and nice guys. Good personalities... and have much love for the video games, so of course I would get along with them well ;) It was pretty sweet.

Oh! I also got my XBox Live subscription back! It was a big fight, much bigger than it needed to have been. In fact, I'm sorely tempted to post the email that (ex)Bryan sent me in response to him BLOCKING ME ON AIM after he said he needed to talk to me. Grrrr. I'm still very very pissed about it. Synopsis: Basically, I find out that (ex)Bryan has blocked me on AIM. My friend Mike was gonna hook me up with a renewal in my Live Subscription, but he needed (ex)Bryan's last four digits of his credit card (my sub was in his name), so he asked me to get it. I'm like: but he's not online-- I can't ask him. Then Mike told me that he was online, so... BINGO. I've been blocked. Yeah, makes no sense to me, considering he SAID he wanted to talk to me about 5 days ago. *Shrugs* So, I ask Mike to ask him about it, and Mike said that (ex)Bryan said just to email him about it, and we'll figure everything out, get the info, etc. So, I email him about it, and I get this shitty-assed reply back:

me: Do you have me blocked? You said you wanted to talk, but... you're not online..
him: Yeah. Well, things have been shitty with me. I'm still trying to sort stuff out. But what with dude dying and stuff, i basically realized you treated me like shit for way to long, and i'm mad that i didn't break up with you, and i'm even madder that you strung me along obviously not really caring for me, and instead flirting with every guy on xbox live instead. So yeah. I'm going out tonight. You can wait on your god damn xbox live for a little while i think. And i hope you know that you've fucked me up relationship wise for a long damn time. And i wouldn't be so pissed and fucked up if you weren't so callous about it, and you hadn't decided to go fuck some random guy WEEKS after we broke up. You know? That hurts. You told me you didn't have anyone lined up. All i ever wanted from you was to spend time with you ever once in a while, and all you did was blow me off time and time again. So yeah. I'm gonna blow you off.

I was blown away. How fucking random! Out of the blue! Why do I need to have to deal with this right now???? I've never been so incredibly pissed off in my life. Or hurt. Or shocked. Fucking-a, man. I'd post my reply to that email, but it's very heated, and I don't know if I want to subject you guys to my hatred, hurt, and anger.... But I got my subscription back, eventually. Now I just have to get my TV, NES, 64, and computer... Hopefully, I'll be able to get away with not even interacting with him at all. Hopefully, I'll be able to con someone else into doing it for me.... Oh, did I tell you? I'm (ex)Bryan's boss. We have to maintain an aire of professionalism about it all... joy of joys, huh?


But I have this AWFUL headache that's shooting through my head.. I've been at the computer long enough... Adieu.
Oct. 12th, 2005 @ 12:45 am (no subject)
About this Entry
The Sudden Departure
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)

Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call.

You are The Sudden Departure.

You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.

Your exact opposite:
The Intern

Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer
We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor girls eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Intern, The Maid of Honor

CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure, someone just like you

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: sardonicviolet
Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 11:40 pm Time doesn't move fast enough
About this Entry
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: "The Modern Things" by Bjork
Tags: ,
Today was kinda hard for me. People, for me, are kinda hard to deal with. And by kinda, I mean a lot. I just want to move on, you know? But then the people that don't know what happened, ask me why I was gone all last week... and I told them there was a tragedy... and they ask what it was. I have to tell them.... and then they pity me.. and then ask what happened. I still don't know what happened. No one calls me.. No one will call me. I didn't exist. I don't exist. What the fuck? I don't understand. I was only with him for 3-4 weeks. Nothing was official. I was there for him, God damn it. I was there when no one else was. I was his company when his friends and family were hundreds of miles away. I was on the fucking phone when he died. And I don't get a mention. I don't get a phone call. Don't I deserve anything? fuckin-a, man. I miss so hard sometimes, it hurts.. it hurts a lot. I'm terrified of death. I saw a bird die today, while I was on the phone with my mother. I almost had a panic attack. I almost sat down and started crying. I did skirt away from it very violently and quickly. It was so sad. I was walking into the honors' dorm and I hear a Plink! and saw the little golden bird fall to the ground. It was laying on its back, opening its little pointed beak slowly... one... two... three... four times and then it closes its little black eyes and stops breathing.... God. I was on the phone with my mom. I was ... ow. It was hard. To be confronted with death again, even so minute of one, brought everything back. I get a message saying that I have a new voicemail, but no one called me. It was my voicemail notifying me that I had some messages that were going to be deleted. One was from Jeremy. I couldn't bring myself to delete. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. It was when he called me.... on his lunch break, while I was in the middle of class... The day he died. I regret not going over there Friday night when he asked me to. Maybe I could have been there... I.. I don't know. I was hoping things would be better, but school has made it worse. I have so many midterms I don't know anything about.

blah blah blah..

I didn't want to talk about this anymore... not in this thing. I don't want to bother people with this depressing shit.
Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 12:12 am My first review!!
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Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: "Dizzy" by Goo Goo dolls
GeistCollapse )

Oh, and I found out I don't get to keep any of the GameCube games I review :( So sad. :( :(

I've had no real update here of late, but I wanted to say: ;
The clarinets rounded up $40 dollars after hearing about Jeremy's death and bought me a gift card to Rhino Game (a game store)! What better to help heal hurt than with video games??? Hell yeah!... I was very glad to see everyone. :) I got a total of like... 5 or 6 well-wishes cards... HUGS for EVERYONE...

Needless to say, I've been much better... but I still don't want to go to school....

for now, that is it.
Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 07:34 am (no subject)
About this Entry
Current Mood: crusheddistraught
God, some times I fucking hate myself.

I didn't go to the funeral. I couldn't. I can't. There's just no way. I can't handle listening to his grandmother bawling, wailing like that. I can't stand to see his dead body again. I've seen it once already-- why torture myself? why make it worse? I'd rather just move on, please. Bury it away so it can pop up and smack me in the face later. I don't want to undo what I've been working on for the last few days. I want to go to class again. I don't want everything undone. I want to be able to handle large groups of people.

I'm such a coward.

I was afraid that the casket would be open. If the casket was open, I'd fucking die on the spot. I was afraid that they wouldn't let me have something of his-- a shirt, a coffee mug, his watch. I was afraid of a lot a things. I haven't been to a real funeral since I was 13, when my grandmother died. I didn't cry until my little cousins started bawling. I'd feel like I was such an imposer... like I shouldn't feel as awful or get as balefule. I'd feel like they lost so much more, and that I'd just get looked down upon because I didn't know him such, why was I intitled to anything of his? I doubt that's how they feel/felt at all... and I'm still resolving myself to go to Knoxville.. I just don't know when. Maybe during Fall break. Maybe I can go to Gatlinburg. Swing through Knoxville or something.

I feel so awful, though. ... They didn't even mention me in the obituary. It's like I wasn't even a part of his life. I don't even kown if he considered me his girlfriend. But God damn it. I'm all he had here in Murfreesboro. I slept by his side more often than not. How am I going to watch Nip/Tuck with anyone else? He got me hooked with just one show-- we were going to make it a weekly thing... I was the last person he talked to alive. I'm the one who found his dead body, who took care of his cat and things before his family got here, who dealt with the police and the paramedics. The person that even contacted Raven, his sister. Fucking shit, people.

Why did he have to leave? Why does all of this shit have to start over again? When will it ever fucking stop?

He was showing me how to play Wolfenstein.
Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 03:37 am .... bite me
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Sultry Fiona Apple
You are the SULTRY Fiona Apple. Your darkness is
undoubtedly intoxicating.

Which Fiona Apple are you?
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